Random Thoughts

Time

A friend or a foe? I ponder.

Most often times it has been a friend.

It only seems like yesterday when I graduated, then I got a job, then I became a senior manager, then I fell in love

Time has been foe… It only seems like yesterday when I lost 4 important people in my life.. When I didn’t achieve that dream and it crushed me, when I didn’t sign that contract, when I didn’t get married

Time has it’s twists and turns, everything is always a matter of time..

You never know where and what would become of you in a split second or in a thousand years..

Time is your friend and foe.

Trash

Anything or anyone could be considered as trash.

I still recall how I was treated as trash;Used, abused and discarded.

I’ve always been strong, bold and assertive, most times intuitive, so it beats my mind or the minds of others that even my intellect or perceptiveness could not deter me from the inevitable.

I never saw it that way until I accepted the reality.

Acceptance has never sunk well with me but this time I let it and it lead to this beautiful discovery.

Trash is not bad. In fact you can find treasures or you could recycle ,you could also put pieces together and make them whole.

Trash is not always useless, not always waste, not always not needed. In fact ,sometimes people just get bored or tired of their stuff and put it away.

So if you have been treated like trash, pick yourself up… You are a rare one, find yourself and your purpose. Your day to stand out will come. Someone will find you.

The Past

I ponder at the word and so many things go through my mind..

Isn’t it true that we are who we are because of our experiences, past and present ?

Isn’t it true that without the past there won’t be a present?

Isn’t it true without the past there would be no history?

Isn’t it true without the past there would be no learning, no growth?

All these are amazing things but most times, I find myself surrounded with people who want to bury the past..People who bury people; sometimes even family.

I wonder how we can push  such memories down the drain. I know some hurt but in the end it’s all for our growth.

We are where we are because we cried, we laughed, loved,fought, smiled, hated, yelled,worked alone, worked as a team, were rejected, were accepted, I could go on.

I encourage people to embrace the past. I encourage me even when my mind wants me to push it so far away but I stand firm. I do not love everything about my past but I love myself and  I’m grateful for the experiences . I’m embracing what is to come ahead.

Patience

Patience is a virtue ..one of my favorite phrases but then again it sucks when you have to be patient especially about things you can control.

I understand how to be patient with things I can’t control.. Gosh , I can’t do anything about getting someone well or waiting for a miracle but it sucks when you have to wait for someone to decide to give you a smile.. forgive you for past mistakes, to sign that check, you give you that promotion, to ask you to marry him/her, to seek a new adventure,to relocate….

Patience then sucks.. Because you wonder, what the hold up is when everything can just change in a second… Your life can turn for the better or worse in a split second… Patience

Patience sometimes pays off and sometimes it doesn’t .. The patient dog doesn’t always eat the fattest bone.. Nope in fact lately the game is all about the swift. You have to be sharp and fast to get ahead.. yep , I don’t always like that approach but it does work…

So I often pray for discernment because it is hard to tell when to use the right approach to get ahead or when to  sit back and watch the universe do it’s trick.

The Mind

The mind is such a powerful thing

It controls our essence

Our very being

It makes us act foolish and at the same time, it makes us act strong

The battle sometimes is hard when we fight between doing the right thing and doing what our mind has told us

Unfortunately, sometimes things can control our mind

Unfortunately ,sometimes people can control our mind

Unfortunately our own negative thoughts make us who we are because we cannot control our mind

It is sad but true

We need to guard ourselves from things,people and negative experiences that ruin our minds

We need to only trust very few people with our thoughts

Because most times, people who are close to you sometimes cannot give you an honest opinion; they would just support your decision

Also because our minds, automatically go to self protect when we sense danger ,even when there is none

We need to be strong enough to push those negative thoughts away and replace them with happy ones

Because thoughts control our emotions

Our thoughts make us ,moody, happy ,sad or depressed… of course hormones do that too but the variation often comes from our thoughts

Perception is everything

Mindset is everything

Think positive, be open minded

See things from other people`s eyes

See the best in people

Accept you can`t change people and you can`t help everyone

You have to do your best and leave the rest

Let people decide the change they need

Accept people do not have to like you, listen to you or be your friend

Give people a chance to explain their actions

Stop judging yourself and others

This is so hard for me because most times, I am so hard on myself..hehehehehe

I often even assess my own reactions

I need to focus on empathy and compassion

I need to guard my mouth and my heart but first my head…

The mind is a powerful thing

It can make you rich and it can make you so poor

Not necessarily in material things but in your soul

Think positive if you can, always…


Anger

I did not know it became my friend

My closest confidant that stood by me when  I was so wrong

It came gradually by the rejections and hardships I had faced in life

The negative words, the lost faith, the abuse ,the sadness

It became my friend, the only emotion I could relate to

It helped me fight

I did not have to think

I just gave into it

I snapped,yelled, retreated into my shell

I said things I did not mean and I could not take back

It is sad but true, although I know I need you but sometimes it can be overwhelming

I try to let it go but it keeps coming back

Especially at my lowest point

When someone betrays me , I  pre-judge or jump to conclusions

I have missed opportunities

I have been unreasonable

I  lost my self-confidence and wallowed in self-pity

Yes this my friend that I chose to cherish instead of keeping at arms length

Has shown me light and darkness

Has made me look foolish more than wise

Never advicing me to let go but urges me to attack

Urges me to fight for me

My friend has been mean but yet I do not notice

I hate the effect it has on me but what do I do

I should tell it the truth to leave me alone

I should embrace patience, love and peace that always call me

I feel they want to seduce me with their words

Why would they want me?

ME.. I am so full of pain ,baggage but also so full of love

I do not even care much of myself but more of others, although anger sometimes prevents me from expressing love

Hmm, anger ..

I am tired of you getting in my way of happiness

I am tired of you getting in my head, making me make wrong decisions

Filling me up sometimes with negative stuff

I want to embrace ,peace ,especially patience and love who have stood by me, come rain,come shine.

Accepting me for who I am.

I do away with you anger.. Go find another home


Strength

I find strength remarkable

I love strong people as I consider myself one

I admire people’s resolve to do good ,especially those who fight injustice

I admire those who do whatever it takes to make a difference

Who stand against all odds

I admire the great minds behind these people

I consider myself one but then again,I ask

What difference have I made?

A little kindness here and there but I want to stand for a noble cause

I sometimes consider myself a feminist  ,I simply hate the picture the society sometimes portrays

I hate the way some men have subjected women as footstools :someone to tend to their every need

I hate the way some men are intimidated by women so they hurt them to protect themselves mentally they claim

Some would go to any length to put down a woman who challenges or questions their actions

Some men do not understand independence from a woman’s perspective

In this century women have become breadwinners at a tender age

Everyone has a story ….

Women are successful leaders and business women

So many have it all together

Now this strong ,independent woman, does not mean she is not a woman without needs

Every woman needs a man but you have to let her be!

A strong woman,needs a strong man, who is not intimidated by her strength,intelligence or her success

She need a companion, a friend, a leader, a shoulder to lean or cry on

She may be richer, but he does not mind

She may be smarter but he does not mind

She may not have all the time in the world but he cherishes all the time spent with her

A strong woman simply needs a man who understands her strength and does not walk over her when she gets frustrated

A strong woman needs  a gentleman who looks at her like she is the only girl in the world

A man who appreciates her hard work, who loves her just the way she is

A man who is not intimidated by her

A man who is so secure in himself that her actions does not make him feel insecure

Now any man who does not want a strong woman, can find a woman who does not possess such attributes ;he should not lead her on,try to change her or lie to her because;

A strong woman’s confidence is mistaken for arrogance

Her honesty taken for disrespect

Her frustrations taken for anger

Her kindness sometimes mistaken for control

Her personality considered as domineering

Her tone considered as condescending

The several negative consequences of being a strong woman

The society sits and judges a woman’s character but hell will break loose when a man’s character is judged

How fair is this?

A world filled with double standards even in this generation

It is a shame that men still want a meek woman who still brings food to the table and is a tigress in bed, no opinion whatsoever and does exactly as she is told..

Just one woman

A delicate woman

I guess perceptions can’t change easily

It is difficult to change people’s heart

That’s God’s job

I wish sometimes, I could use a magic wand and fix the heart of men all over the world

This is me dreaming…

A woman’s place is not only at home ,it is everywhere..

We are equal..What a man can do, a woman can most certainly do,even better!

Besides there is no competition..A woman always has your back..

She could be your friend,sister,mother,cousin

There is always a woman somewhere, trying to help you,in fact that is what we were created to do ..There is no shame in receiving that help

This is to strong women out there

Women rock..


Who am I?

I sat there pondering

Who am I?

Who was I?

Where am I going?

What am I made of?

What makes me thick?

What makes me weak?

What drives me crazy?

What defines me?

I always love these kind of questions..

It keeps me going

However,seriously,who are you?

Some of us have several faces..

The online face, the work face, the friend face, the home face

Different persona’s ,yet the same human being

Now,I am not talking about wearing several hats…nope

I am talking about being two-faced

At home, you are this angry, grumpy ,selfish,always negative person and at the office ,at the supermarket, you suddenly become  the nicest person on the face of the earth..Worst still on social media ,you condemn all acts of racism and abuse, but you do that every single day. We complain about how wicked people are yet we seek revenge upon those who hurt us intentionally and unintentionally. We seek honesty and yet we lie every day to ourselves and even to the ones dear to us.

Who am I? truly I ask myself

Sometime ago, this would have been easy

Life and circumstances have made me become someone else

The sweet ,kind and patient girl has become short-tempered and sometimes bossy

Not bad ,sometimes, one needs to be firm and tough but sometimes it wears me out myself..lol

I choose to be the person I used to be

I will recreate me

I am a sweet,caring,loving woman who is slow to anger ;who only wants to help and make a difference in the world around her

That is who I am

This is who I choose to be, but I will still have my flaws and pray to be perfect as Christ instructed!


Fight or Give up

Here I am again ,wondering what in life is really worth fighting for?

Someone often said” fight for what you believe in” never quit, stay even when it hurts

But then again this person now abandons ship because of fear,doubts,loss of love feelings, insecurity, pride… etc.. All about how he felt,nothing about how his partner felt and what he could do to make her happy..Give as much as you want to receive..how much did he give of himself? Her tears fell of deaf ears, her needs sometimes neglected. Sometimes payback for angry words or stubbornness and all this person did was to love and try to help but often times even the help was misunderstood. Mistakes never forgiven and then the dumping.. Yet this was not enough.

Hmm.. We don’t really believe in our own words,I see.. Love is beyond all those things..Later in life, we all will realize

We are not true to ourselves… We need a perfect being ,we should say it or let me put it differently… do not tell your partner,you love and accept a flaw when you don’t,tell them nicely not scolding them and teach them how they can overcome it or both of you work it out if you are willing.

Our culture and tradition always makes us feel it is the woman’s role to make it work, I disagree; a relationship is about two people both should make it work! Talk, talk ,talk…look at each other, know each other, understand each others pain,be patient, give it time..God makes all things beautiful in his time and those not religious, time still applies…

It’s all in the head, I often say..Keep your mind and thoughts clear and free and believe in yourself, nothing anyone would say about you will stick.

Often times we say what we do not believe in.. This is different from saying what you did not mean because this may just spill out of emotions and then,it often does not come out right,worse still,people hear what they want to hear especially when they already have a grudge or a perception..

No one is perfect..People need to lower their expectations and be more accepting of others.. Talk is cheap.. Accepting people’s IMPERFECTIONS IS NO JOKE :change, adaptation comes softly and has to be from both sides..You are a reflection of each other..

Now what is a good fight?

How can you fight for someone who does not want to fight for you?

How can you stay and wait for someone who isn’t afraid to lose you?

How can you not let go of someone who has let go of you?

How can you still love someone who only remembers your negatives and puts you in his distance past, not the issues that got estranged?

How can you love someone who loved you passionately and now hates you?

How can you love someone who is firm on his word not to give another chance,forgetting that you gave several chances and he walked away not you, even when you stayed?

How can you love someone who cut you off completely? Only thinks about how you offended him and not about how he offended you?

How does love get so bitter?? I’m speechless.. I just don’t understand. It is strange.

How is it even possible to say that this person loved you at all in the first place. How do you reconcile this??

How can he say ” You are the one” And then walk away in the most uncaring way..

This person who said the most amazing things…” It’s just talk” ,I guess… everything was just talk. Love does not get fed up, love does not give up.. Love does not say ” I am done” ,love is consistent..Love works things out.

When things go wrong it’s both parties fault..not only the other..search deep down

Ramblings and raging thoughts in my head.

Actions speak louder than words


Moving on

When we come to a crossroad and we give up on love,life or whatever caused us pain, anger, regret, hurt, fear, insecurity and disappointments.

We say, we are moving on.

Moving on ,is easier said than done.

Soul searching is what,I’ll recommend to do before moving on or moving forward.

Friends and family will tell you,it is the right thing to do..” move on”‘ they will keep telling you.

“Read the handwriting on the wall”‘ ” tell yourself the truth you were not happy” ” when one door closes another will open” , “you love someone does not mean you are meant for each other”, and in the end I wonder if fate actually plays a role in finding one’s spouse or are we just imaging things and believing in fairy tales. People simply meet and decide if the want to be together. After all back in the days when divorce was almost non existent our parents just picked someone and took their chances and made it work.

We seem to forget that happiness is from within ,it is not your partner’s job to make you happy.Another person,job, or thing does not truly make us happy if so the richest people in the world would be happy.

If you are happy,you are even when things don’t go your way. When life throws you curve balls…It is our perception . We think and feel we will be happier if this person were around,if that person treated us better or if we got that new job, we won the lottery, if our dad were the president, if I went to a better school, if I married a rich spouse etc.

If you are a sad person even when you have all these things ,you would still be unhappy.

We blame the failure on the other(s), we say,” they should have picked me, I’m better than the other”, if they did, I won’t be here now.

The truth is, you can have everything you dream of and want and still be very unhappy.

That is why,tackling the issue heads-on is paramount to the happiness that you will feel from within.

Do whatever you can to get rid of the negative memories, keep the positive and keep an open mind. Only you can do that. Nothing anyone says or does will sink. It is what you believe of yourself. When you don’t feel good about anything, when words are spoken that are not appreciated, it affects us.

There is nothing wrong in feeling important..It is actually being self-assured,you believe in yourself, you know you are wonderfully made and you are awesome in spite of your flaws.

Do whatever you can to forgive yourself, that person, that thing that did not work when you put so much effort into it..

Try to stop self-doubt” am I good enough”, ” it’s always my fault”.

Try to make peace with whatever made you unhappy. Confronting those fears, that person,thing, doing all you can to make that dream come true.

Never giving up.

Try over and over again.

Failure does not define you.

I’ve been down several times…rejected several times but I have also been a winner several times and also in things I have failed.

I choose to count my blessings daily.

When you have done all that,you need to determine what you are moving towards…

What are you moving on to? Where are you headed? Who are you? What do you want? What do you need?

Is moving on is easier than giving up?

To me,they are two peas in a pond.

Because in both cases you have to start afresh,either with the known or the unknown, the point being ,you are starting over..

Because if you believe in something you never give up, no matter how hard, no matter how long and you can also move on to make it better instead of giving it up because it did not meet your expectations.

See it as an exam.. Do you want to fail or pass? Won’t you do anything to pass? won’t you write that paper over and over again ,especially since that is what is needed to graduate?

Moving on ,hmm.

Moving on also is a simple as getting over the situation and not letting it build up to bitterness…simply choosing love always.

Now we over analyze everything! Jeez. It gets complicated as we get older. I’d be sure to advise my kids to marry early for real!

Let’s sleep on it.


Love

It’s that season soon again and my head begins to wonder

I ponder at this word

A word so good and also so cruel

Is it the word, I ask or our abuse of it?

I wonder if we understand that love is fully accepting ,without expectations of change..If change comes it is embraced

Change also comes from both parties, if one person is trying ,the other should too

Love is not demanding

Love is extremely patient and understanding

Love is forgiving and not expecting the same gesture

It is long suffering,it understands mistakes

It never gives up, even if it has to love from a distance

Love hurts and it heals

There is no hard or fast rule to love

It is doing the right thing even when it hurts

Love is sometimes blind but with eyes wide open

Love is complicated,right?

Love is a choice;You have to decide daily to do the right thing.

Love is forever,forget what people say.

True love never dies, you may lie, fight it ,suppress it and try to forget about it but deep down it is there

It is in our hearts, body and soul

Love is not sex, sex is not love

Love is that thing that makes you stay even when sex fades away

Love is what makes you rekindle the passion that was once lost

Love is what makes the pain go away

Love makes you smile even when you just want to smack the person across the face

Love is forgiveness,constantly.. Love is hard

Love is 70 years down the road against all odds

Love is not always sweet

Sometimes it is heartaches, sleepless nights,fights,poverty,sickness

Love is that which makes you stay when it is hard ,not only when it is sweet

Let’s understand love

Love is a great feeling,emotion but it is also a commitment, a choice

It is unconditional; It does not require any good or bad

It exists between strangers, family, lovers,friends, neighbors

Love is friendship; you know who got your back

Love says” I’m here for you even when you don’t want me to ”

Love is real, it is true and love when it hurts, even if it kills, it fights..

Love never dies..


Life is full of choices

We choose to live or we choose to die

We choose to win or choose to lose

We choose to forgive or we choose to not to

We choose to be better or we choose not to change

We choose to love or we choose to hate

We choose to be a man of our words or choose to lose face

We choose to fight or we choose to quit

We choose to give a second chance or not

We choose to move on or hold on

Life is about choices

What really can we say,we can not choose?

Perhaps only our parents,right?

Others may argue that by the way

Life is about choices

Some with consequences..remember some results of the consequences good and some are bad

Can we choose the thoughts in our head?

Can we choose change our perceptions?

Can we forsake emotions and choose between right or wrong?

Can we choose friendship over enmity?

Can we choose a greater cause than temporary pleasure?

Can we choose to forgive and forget the past?

Can we choose not to dwell on mistakes?

Can we choose to be better people?

Can we choose to be true?

Or are we simply born into this world the way we are, good or bad..

So we do not have a choice or do we?

We continue without change and expecting change to come from others

Life is full of choices

Who we are,is all about what we think we are

We do not need validation from anyone else

If you think you are beautiful, yes you are and so will it be..

However knowing your weakness and flaws is bliss, it won’t make you insecure when you are confronted with the truth

I choose to stay positive when all around me is negative

I choose to wear a smile especially when all is crumbling

I am hard on myself sometimes because I need to be better…

My random thoughts again

A friend once told me, I worry my head.

Do not  be tired of me..hahahahahaha

Let me let it be…


Dedicated to you
Life is so unpredictable, no guarantees..
In just a twinkle of an eye, you can become a superstar or you world might just start crumbling down
Indeed life is too short
Loss makes you reflect; maybe that’s why God allows things to happen
He needs us to stop, pause and cherish each moment with each other

It’s amazing how powerful the mind is
It’s crazy how the brain works
However the heart wants what it wants, what you need is something else altogether
The heart can’t always win in the battle between the head and the heart
My heart yearns for the ones I have lost, the ones I was there for,the ones who were there for me
The ones that left by choice, the ones who were called by the creator, it hurts but true
The pain inside, I cannot lie
I wonder if they have pain
Who will be my father? My mother? My friend? My lover? My family? My coach? My mentor?
Some people are irreplaceable, some indispensable…
“I’m sorry”, the magic line to some, others;’’ I love you” or “please forgive me”
I don’t have a magic word, phrase, line, I am glad you understood that
I only have a golden heart; I hope I do have it…
Making mistakes is what I’m guilty of I can’t deny; after all, I am only but human
I have learned my lesson and will keep learning
Life is an ongoing journey.

Loss can either make you or break you
In trying times you wonder the essence of having what can be lost
Your mind goes to the, what if? Why now? Or the blame game “it was me”, ” all my fault” or their fault

Words hurt but actions hurt deeper
Words can be said and the meaning misunderstood or misinterpreted
Often times some words can be spoken out of anger, fear or need for reassurance because we are all going through the motions but actions speak louder than words.

I’m sorry if I hurt you by my words, I didn’t mean to  and I hope in my actions, I pleased you
I hope I showed you that I cared
I hope you know that I loved you
I hope you know that I am sorry for disappointing you or hurting you
I hope you know that I pray you have peace
In my actions, I hope you know that I was always there

Did I love you enough? Did I try?

Was I a good friend? Mother? Father? Child? Mentor? Was I always there for you when you needed me?

Time heals all wounds, I have heard that a thousand times
However,some pain just never goes away
You may get busy, do so many things but dealing with it, is the only way
Accepting the loss, accepting that you can’t change the things you can’t change
Accepting to move on, in spite of your pain and your loss
Life is an ongoing journey, I wish we could continue this journey together but where are you?
Wherever you are, I hope you are happy.

You are terribly missed!

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